Mistakes, sorrows, and late night contemplation

So two days ago I made a huge mistake, I decided to put out a test. The test was for the person that I cared most about in the world. Well it came back to bite me. Here is the fat and skinny of the thing. I was being tested, set up, hussled, however you want to put it, and I knew it the whole time. I decided to flunk the test on purpose so I could show who I thought was giving me the test that it's not cool to do these kind of things. Welllll, I found out today that the person doing the testing was my loves ex and it made me look way bad. I should have never played games and should have not tried to fail the test on purpose but I did, and I'm afraid I've lost my love forever. She won't talk to me and ignores my texts and calls. Oh well I guess stupidity is my normal path and I walk it well. I ruin relationship after relationship over and over again just because I must be super retarded to mess this one up. Well I don't know what else to say and I don't want to bore you. Let me end this as usual with a poem.


A new beginning
Here I lay with my head down in the pillow trying to suffocate the little life I have left.
A rampant dream, a lively falsehood has lured me into a state of blissful ignorance.
For what I do not see I can not feel and what I can not feel is the dagger that is pulling at my heart. A dagger that runs so deep through my veins that it is ingrained in my soul.
What is this emotion this dagger carries? And why has it chosen me to be its victim.
For I have seen the garden and will stay no longer, for if I am discovered I surly will be crushed because this garden belongs to another and these feelings should not be.
But I can not resist the sweet temptation that this wonderful place has offered me.
I am weak and I stay for I know the consequences and I look past them for if I can with stand the weight of this world then, maybe just maybe this garden will belong to me and it will flourish and grow, and I will start a new beginning here in this new garden and maybe be finally at home.


I had to post this one because it's actually a pretty happy one and it cheers me up every time I read it. I hope it can make anyone out there that is unhappy feel better too. I really hope I can pull myself out of this jam and I really hope this one works out for us.


Thanks all more to come no more sad rants, more rants on whatever is on my head at the time. Feel free to leave comments and tell me what you want me to rant and rave about..........