Doubts, everyone has them so why should I be so different? For instance, I doubt if anyone actually reads this, I doubt that I will be getting a significant enough raise at work, and I doubt if I will ever be free to love or be loved by the one I want. Like the almighty Joe Dirt says "You can't have no in your heart brother." As much as I try I always find myself seeing little reminders of the old times, little hints and notes, little gifts and trinkets, and it makes me realize that I need to either get over it or move on. So what should I do? Here is the six million dollar question. Why after months of writing new stuff almost on a nightly bases do I have a sudden case of writers block? Have I lost my inspiration, has my muse abandoned me? Well we will give it a shot I'm going to attempt to write a poem right here right now. This is going to be such an exclusive I haven't even seen it yet. I will stop when i'm stuck there will be no editing or polishing of any sort I will keep typos, grammatical errors, and even all out terribleness just to see if I still got it. So I beg of you, if you do read this I need you more than ever to post a comment or reaction to this, this goes to anyone from my follower to the random person that happens to stumble across this page.
Sleepless
Waking in a cold sweat I turn to my clock, 4:15am is what it reads.
Rampant thoughts of things to come run through my head. Will we ever be alone,
will our time to shine ever come? I know as long as we are living and breathing our love will never grow weak, but will we ever have the opportunity to see it grow at all? Nightmares of a life I may never have come flooding in my head as soon as my eyes close so I sit awake to tired to cry, to scared to sleep. Will I ever know how it feels to feel your embrace, will our future shine as bright as any star or will it fizzle out like the end of a match......
That's about all I have in me. More rants to come, more raves to be said tune in next time for another exciting adventure of whats the word brought to you by me.
I'm split six ways, will I ever be whole?
Well the Senate passed it's health care reform yesterday. One step closer to the poor house and one step closer to socialism. Thanks President Obama, wtg and turn the greatest country on earth into nothing more than a common whore. My life is full of work and expenses and I really want to write something new maybe another part to my story but I'm just so tired that I can't muster the energy to actually create something. Why can I write a blog you say? Well there is nothing creative about this, I just speak my mind and hope that you enjoy my thoughts. Things are better in my love life so far, it seems that my love has accepted me back and I couldn't be happier about that! Anyway that's enough for now, sorry no poem today check back soon for a new piece of poetry from me.
Mistakes, sorrows, and late night contemplation
So two days ago I made a huge mistake, I decided to put out a test. The test was for the person that I cared most about in the world. Well it came back to bite me. Here is the fat and skinny of the thing. I was being tested, set up, hussled, however you want to put it, and I knew it the whole time. I decided to flunk the test on purpose so I could show who I thought was giving me the test that it's not cool to do these kind of things. Welllll, I found out today that the person doing the testing was my loves ex and it made me look way bad. I should have never played games and should have not tried to fail the test on purpose but I did, and I'm afraid I've lost my love forever. She won't talk to me and ignores my texts and calls. Oh well I guess stupidity is my normal path and I walk it well. I ruin relationship after relationship over and over again just because I must be super retarded to mess this one up. Well I don't know what else to say and I don't want to bore you. Let me end this as usual with a poem.
A new beginning
Here I lay with my head down in the pillow trying to suffocate the little life I have left.
A rampant dream, a lively falsehood has lured me into a state of blissful ignorance.
For what I do not see I can not feel and what I can not feel is the dagger that is pulling at my heart. A dagger that runs so deep through my veins that it is ingrained in my soul.
What is this emotion this dagger carries? And why has it chosen me to be its victim.
For I have seen the garden and will stay no longer, for if I am discovered I surly will be crushed because this garden belongs to another and these feelings should not be.
But I can not resist the sweet temptation that this wonderful place has offered me.
I am weak and I stay for I know the consequences and I look past them for if I can with stand the weight of this world then, maybe just maybe this garden will belong to me and it will flourish and grow, and I will start a new beginning here in this new garden and maybe be finally at home.
I had to post this one because it's actually a pretty happy one and it cheers me up every time I read it. I hope it can make anyone out there that is unhappy feel better too. I really hope I can pull myself out of this jam and I really hope this one works out for us.
Thanks all more to come no more sad rants, more rants on whatever is on my head at the time. Feel free to leave comments and tell me what you want me to rant and rave about..........
A new beginning
Here I lay with my head down in the pillow trying to suffocate the little life I have left.
A rampant dream, a lively falsehood has lured me into a state of blissful ignorance.
For what I do not see I can not feel and what I can not feel is the dagger that is pulling at my heart. A dagger that runs so deep through my veins that it is ingrained in my soul.
What is this emotion this dagger carries? And why has it chosen me to be its victim.
For I have seen the garden and will stay no longer, for if I am discovered I surly will be crushed because this garden belongs to another and these feelings should not be.
But I can not resist the sweet temptation that this wonderful place has offered me.
I am weak and I stay for I know the consequences and I look past them for if I can with stand the weight of this world then, maybe just maybe this garden will belong to me and it will flourish and grow, and I will start a new beginning here in this new garden and maybe be finally at home.
I had to post this one because it's actually a pretty happy one and it cheers me up every time I read it. I hope it can make anyone out there that is unhappy feel better too. I really hope I can pull myself out of this jam and I really hope this one works out for us.
Thanks all more to come no more sad rants, more rants on whatever is on my head at the time. Feel free to leave comments and tell me what you want me to rant and rave about..........
