Doubts, everyone has them so why should I be so different? For instance, I doubt if anyone actually reads this, I doubt that I will be getting a significant enough raise at work, and I doubt if I will ever be free to love or be loved by the one I want. Like the almighty Joe Dirt says "You can't have no in your heart brother." As much as I try I always find myself seeing little reminders of the old times, little hints and notes, little gifts and trinkets, and it makes me realize that I need to either get over it or move on. So what should I do? Here is the six million dollar question. Why after months of writing new stuff almost on a nightly bases do I have a sudden case of writers block? Have I lost my inspiration, has my muse abandoned me? Well we will give it a shot I'm going to attempt to write a poem right here right now. This is going to be such an exclusive I haven't even seen it yet. I will stop when i'm stuck there will be no editing or polishing of any sort I will keep typos, grammatical errors, and even all out terribleness just to see if I still got it. So I beg of you, if you do read this I need you more than ever to post a comment or reaction to this, this goes to anyone from my follower to the random person that happens to stumble across this page.
Sleepless
Waking in a cold sweat I turn to my clock, 4:15am is what it reads.
Rampant thoughts of things to come run through my head. Will we ever be alone,
will our time to shine ever come? I know as long as we are living and breathing our love will never grow weak, but will we ever have the opportunity to see it grow at all? Nightmares of a life I may never have come flooding in my head as soon as my eyes close so I sit awake to tired to cry, to scared to sleep. Will I ever know how it feels to feel your embrace, will our future shine as bright as any star or will it fizzle out like the end of a match......
That's about all I have in me. More rants to come, more raves to be said tune in next time for another exciting adventure of whats the word brought to you by me.
I'm split six ways, will I ever be whole?
Well the Senate passed it's health care reform yesterday. One step closer to the poor house and one step closer to socialism. Thanks President Obama, wtg and turn the greatest country on earth into nothing more than a common whore. My life is full of work and expenses and I really want to write something new maybe another part to my story but I'm just so tired that I can't muster the energy to actually create something. Why can I write a blog you say? Well there is nothing creative about this, I just speak my mind and hope that you enjoy my thoughts. Things are better in my love life so far, it seems that my love has accepted me back and I couldn't be happier about that! Anyway that's enough for now, sorry no poem today check back soon for a new piece of poetry from me.
Mistakes, sorrows, and late night contemplation
So two days ago I made a huge mistake, I decided to put out a test. The test was for the person that I cared most about in the world. Well it came back to bite me. Here is the fat and skinny of the thing. I was being tested, set up, hussled, however you want to put it, and I knew it the whole time. I decided to flunk the test on purpose so I could show who I thought was giving me the test that it's not cool to do these kind of things. Welllll, I found out today that the person doing the testing was my loves ex and it made me look way bad. I should have never played games and should have not tried to fail the test on purpose but I did, and I'm afraid I've lost my love forever. She won't talk to me and ignores my texts and calls. Oh well I guess stupidity is my normal path and I walk it well. I ruin relationship after relationship over and over again just because I must be super retarded to mess this one up. Well I don't know what else to say and I don't want to bore you. Let me end this as usual with a poem.
A new beginning
Here I lay with my head down in the pillow trying to suffocate the little life I have left.
A rampant dream, a lively falsehood has lured me into a state of blissful ignorance.
For what I do not see I can not feel and what I can not feel is the dagger that is pulling at my heart. A dagger that runs so deep through my veins that it is ingrained in my soul.
What is this emotion this dagger carries? And why has it chosen me to be its victim.
For I have seen the garden and will stay no longer, for if I am discovered I surly will be crushed because this garden belongs to another and these feelings should not be.
But I can not resist the sweet temptation that this wonderful place has offered me.
I am weak and I stay for I know the consequences and I look past them for if I can with stand the weight of this world then, maybe just maybe this garden will belong to me and it will flourish and grow, and I will start a new beginning here in this new garden and maybe be finally at home.
I had to post this one because it's actually a pretty happy one and it cheers me up every time I read it. I hope it can make anyone out there that is unhappy feel better too. I really hope I can pull myself out of this jam and I really hope this one works out for us.
Thanks all more to come no more sad rants, more rants on whatever is on my head at the time. Feel free to leave comments and tell me what you want me to rant and rave about..........
A new beginning
Here I lay with my head down in the pillow trying to suffocate the little life I have left.
A rampant dream, a lively falsehood has lured me into a state of blissful ignorance.
For what I do not see I can not feel and what I can not feel is the dagger that is pulling at my heart. A dagger that runs so deep through my veins that it is ingrained in my soul.
What is this emotion this dagger carries? And why has it chosen me to be its victim.
For I have seen the garden and will stay no longer, for if I am discovered I surly will be crushed because this garden belongs to another and these feelings should not be.
But I can not resist the sweet temptation that this wonderful place has offered me.
I am weak and I stay for I know the consequences and I look past them for if I can with stand the weight of this world then, maybe just maybe this garden will belong to me and it will flourish and grow, and I will start a new beginning here in this new garden and maybe be finally at home.
I had to post this one because it's actually a pretty happy one and it cheers me up every time I read it. I hope it can make anyone out there that is unhappy feel better too. I really hope I can pull myself out of this jam and I really hope this one works out for us.
Thanks all more to come no more sad rants, more rants on whatever is on my head at the time. Feel free to leave comments and tell me what you want me to rant and rave about..........
Mr. Mr. I think I lost my pudding.........
I have no idea what that title is about but eh I will roll with it. So today was a wonderful day, that started with a 9am wake up call from an Army recruiter. Normally I would be more than happy to speak to them but, 9 am rolled around way to fast seeing as I was up super late the night before. Failed timing Sgt maybe next time. Talk about slow, why does everything seem so much slower when you are tired?? Work seemed like it took forever and it was just an 8 hour shift >.<. Well here is the next installment of poetry by Chaz feel free to follow my blogs for regular updates, I swear fun stuff will occur
Torn
Love is a horrible killer, its’ path of destruction is similar to that of a rampant tornado running a muck through the trailer parks of America. Love takes joy in the fact that it can take a strong man and bend him to its’ will. Love leaves a trail of broken hearts and shed tears, laughing at the people that it tears apart. I’m no safer then any other man in this world I have felt the awesome power of love and I have bent to its will. I have seen the many false faces of love, joy, happiness, and utter bliss. I wondered into its trap and endured its’ horrific games, I emerged the victor, so I thought. Love lured me deeper and then it did me in I met two women, one I have fallen so madly in love with that I can no longer see myself as my own. But the other one is a foul temptress that is always being dangled in front of me, she is beautiful and witty everything a man could ask for, yet I cling to the one that owns me, struggling to break free of her curse but never able to stray to far for with out her I grow strong and being strong is what I fear. For if I gain strength I can resist the evils of love and become one with myself. But alas my doom has come my fate sealed I have succumbed to love and embraced it for I choose the one that loves me for I know that love is not bias and will trap and consume her as well.
I swear I'm not emo, the pen guides itself I'm just the vessel hehe. On a happier not life's good right, and it looks like Obama's bill is going to Fail, go go smart people. If it passes I'm totally going to write an angry letter, or prank call the white house hehe, I don't want President Obama to fail but he just keeps on doing it. I don't think I have seen someone screw up so badly so quickly at a new job. I miss Bush, at least the man didn't pass any stupid bills :s
anyway that's all for now
Torn
Love is a horrible killer, its’ path of destruction is similar to that of a rampant tornado running a muck through the trailer parks of America. Love takes joy in the fact that it can take a strong man and bend him to its’ will. Love leaves a trail of broken hearts and shed tears, laughing at the people that it tears apart. I’m no safer then any other man in this world I have felt the awesome power of love and I have bent to its will. I have seen the many false faces of love, joy, happiness, and utter bliss. I wondered into its trap and endured its’ horrific games, I emerged the victor, so I thought. Love lured me deeper and then it did me in I met two women, one I have fallen so madly in love with that I can no longer see myself as my own. But the other one is a foul temptress that is always being dangled in front of me, she is beautiful and witty everything a man could ask for, yet I cling to the one that owns me, struggling to break free of her curse but never able to stray to far for with out her I grow strong and being strong is what I fear. For if I gain strength I can resist the evils of love and become one with myself. But alas my doom has come my fate sealed I have succumbed to love and embraced it for I choose the one that loves me for I know that love is not bias and will trap and consume her as well.
I swear I'm not emo, the pen guides itself I'm just the vessel hehe. On a happier not life's good right, and it looks like Obama's bill is going to Fail, go go smart people. If it passes I'm totally going to write an angry letter, or prank call the white house hehe, I don't want President Obama to fail but he just keeps on doing it. I don't think I have seen someone screw up so badly so quickly at a new job. I miss Bush, at least the man didn't pass any stupid bills :s
anyway that's all for now
Super Spy
Lost your keys, kitties, or past experiences have no fear super spy is here. Ever have one of those moments when you wish that you where a super hero?? I'm having one now, I wish I could be Awesome Man, with the powers of every super hero ever!! That would rock my socks off so hard. Anyway on a more serious note, I am now 100% healthy no more cold or meds to take (yay) and my new supplement I'm taking *nutrilites glucosamine-7* (I know, I know a shameless plug for my own products) is helping my joints recover faster from my runs :) I will hopefully be back in fighting shape in no time :)so anyway here is another poem, there once was a man from nantucket, he had a...... ooopps wrong poem hehe here is the real one.
Success is Failure
You finally make it to the big show, the place where you figured you could plateau.
Now you see that all your friends where made in vain, that everyone is out to get you. Cold hands reaching into your spine, pulling you apart from the inside out. False complements and idle words scrape your brain like finger nails on a chalk board.
But you are successful, no failure insight. You are successful, you pulled ahead from the start. You are successful.
Now you sit in your million dollar home, you wake up and your forty years old with nothing but a big empty house and shattered dreams. Your success has gone to your head and you forgot about those that shaped your life. Empty halls and swimming pools aren’t going to bring the joy back.
But you are successful, no failure insight. You are successful, you pulled ahead from the start. You are successful.
In this game called life, you made a ton, but in the end you lost it all. No joy left the passion all gone, and all the money in the world won’t bring it back.
You are a failure, no success insight. You are failure, you fell behind from the start. You are a failure.
So if you have made it this far in the blog hurray 7 points for you!! That's right I'm keeping score.........
Anyway nothing particularly interesting to rant about but maybe next time.
thanks for taking the time to read this :)
Success is Failure
You finally make it to the big show, the place where you figured you could plateau.
Now you see that all your friends where made in vain, that everyone is out to get you. Cold hands reaching into your spine, pulling you apart from the inside out. False complements and idle words scrape your brain like finger nails on a chalk board.
But you are successful, no failure insight. You are successful, you pulled ahead from the start. You are successful.
Now you sit in your million dollar home, you wake up and your forty years old with nothing but a big empty house and shattered dreams. Your success has gone to your head and you forgot about those that shaped your life. Empty halls and swimming pools aren’t going to bring the joy back.
But you are successful, no failure insight. You are successful, you pulled ahead from the start. You are successful.
In this game called life, you made a ton, but in the end you lost it all. No joy left the passion all gone, and all the money in the world won’t bring it back.
You are a failure, no success insight. You are failure, you fell behind from the start. You are a failure.
So if you have made it this far in the blog hurray 7 points for you!! That's right I'm keeping score.........
Anyway nothing particularly interesting to rant about but maybe next time.
thanks for taking the time to read this :)
Blah, blah, blah and more stuff......
So I heard about the new health care bill congress is trying to pass........ Let's just say I believe the obama administration is full of fail. If the bill passes will I really have to BUY health care. I am young relatively healthy yet if I don't buy a government approved health care plan I can be fined and possibly jailed if I fail to pay these fines.... Welcome to the new America boys and girls, where all of your dreams can come true, HA! Anyway that is my rant on politics so now for the fun stuff. CoD: Modern Warfare 2 has been a huge hit keeping my super busy at Gamestop leaving me with little time for anything else :s On a lighter note I have now almost fully recovered from my cold, thanks modern medicine, see obama 1 bottle of pills is all I needed to feel better no insurance needed, but I digress. So I guess here is another poem.......
Hurt
This pain I feel deep inside my chest is my heart stopping. It beats no longer for I am dead. Inside my eyelids I see nothing. I bleed from my pours, my body grows cold.
I died the day I left you
I said words that were untrue. I said I hated you, that you meant nothing. When it was I that took you for granted. I let you slip into the arms of another. I killed us.
I died the day I left you
My cold-blooded malicious attack on your fragile self-esteem. It was a low blow that I know you can never really heal from, but I love you.
I died the day I left you
I grow weak, I’m fading away, for I’m dead without you. Only you can save me now, but why you is a mystery, for I’m as low as can be. I miss you.
I died the day I left you
Feelings inside are never meant to be spoken when they hurt your loved ones. I’m starting to see the lights its all so clear I love you but your not coming near
I died the day I left you
Copy-right 2005
Yes I know I have a story to finish, don't get mad it's coming hehe.....
anyway bye bye for now. More to come follow me if you dare!!!!!shiftoneshiftone
Hurt
This pain I feel deep inside my chest is my heart stopping. It beats no longer for I am dead. Inside my eyelids I see nothing. I bleed from my pours, my body grows cold.
I died the day I left you
I said words that were untrue. I said I hated you, that you meant nothing. When it was I that took you for granted. I let you slip into the arms of another. I killed us.
I died the day I left you
My cold-blooded malicious attack on your fragile self-esteem. It was a low blow that I know you can never really heal from, but I love you.
I died the day I left you
I grow weak, I’m fading away, for I’m dead without you. Only you can save me now, but why you is a mystery, for I’m as low as can be. I miss you.
I died the day I left you
Feelings inside are never meant to be spoken when they hurt your loved ones. I’m starting to see the lights its all so clear I love you but your not coming near
I died the day I left you
Copy-right 2005
Yes I know I have a story to finish, don't get mad it's coming hehe.....
anyway bye bye for now. More to come follow me if you dare!!!!!shiftoneshiftone
Me being me
Let me start this off with a poem I wrote,
Longing
You and me forever against the world, that’s
what you said. Now it's impossible to reach
you on the phone,
but you say you love me.
Every time I ask you what your doing, you say
I'm out with him but don't worry it's
nothing.
but you say you need me.
It seems the more I run to you the further
away you are, I love you with all my heart
but I'm tired,
but I say I need you.
With careless abandon I leap into your arms,
but I fall eternally. Crazy thoughts of life
without you,
but I say I love you.
All these feelings and emotions running in
my head I can't get away, I have to make
them stop......
What was I going through when I wrote this you may ask, well I can tell you that I have no idea where I was at mentally or emotionally. When I write my pen takes over and has a mind of its own.
So anyway my life isn't to interesting, work, home, home, work, but I do seem to get into wacky adventures from time to time and I tend to meet a lot of interesting people along my way. So stay tuned and I will keep you posted with more about me and what's currently on my mind
Longing
You and me forever against the world, that’s
what you said. Now it's impossible to reach
you on the phone,
but you say you love me.
Every time I ask you what your doing, you say
I'm out with him but don't worry it's
nothing.
but you say you need me.
It seems the more I run to you the further
away you are, I love you with all my heart
but I'm tired,
but I say I need you.
With careless abandon I leap into your arms,
but I fall eternally. Crazy thoughts of life
without you,
but I say I love you.
All these feelings and emotions running in
my head I can't get away, I have to make
them stop......
What was I going through when I wrote this you may ask, well I can tell you that I have no idea where I was at mentally or emotionally. When I write my pen takes over and has a mind of its own.
So anyway my life isn't to interesting, work, home, home, work, but I do seem to get into wacky adventures from time to time and I tend to meet a lot of interesting people along my way. So stay tuned and I will keep you posted with more about me and what's currently on my mind
