Whats the word

new Layouts, L-bombs, and Left field

2010-04-18T22:00:00.001-07:00

So if anyone has been wondering whats up with the new layouts, someone very special to me has been changing them :) with my permission of course :) I really trust her judgment and so whatever she picks I use :). So I have been thinking about how many people in my life I have used the L-bomb on and it's not very many at all. If you have ever heard that magical four letter word come out of my mouth consider yourself among an elite few. Now for the famous left field, well it's baseball season again, so what does that mean to me? Well that means until augest (football season) all radio and tv stations will be covering the MLB's 162 game season, not counting post season. Really baseball does it take you 162 games to realize the Yankees bought the world series. Speaking of football it's going to be a great season 16 weeks of cowboy toughness, go cowboys. Well that's all for now.

Chaz

Elephant + Man = OMG.....

2010-04-10T17:26:00.000-07:00

Well I never got to go out last night since dinner took to long, but oh well it happens. I am currently watching the most shocking documentary it's called " China's Elephant Man". I feel so bad for this guy and I hope the out come turns out good for him. He has severe tumors on his face and body that horribly disfigure him. I would post pictures but they really are disturbing and I would recommend if you are interested either watching the video or searching the web for more information. His Tumors are a result from an extremely rare genetic disorder called neurofibromatosis
I do recommend that if you decide to watch this documentary you do so with caution. Some of the images can be rather disturbing. So anyway I will resume job hunting on Monday. I have decided that I really need a new job and that I have to save up so I can move. Anyway that's all for now, I will update more as I see more of the documentary.

Chaz

Adventures in stuff...

2010-04-09T18:37:00.000-07:00

So today has been fairly uneventful, but I do get to go to a bon fire today and go fire spinning :) What is better than good friends good food beer and fire. You can't go wrong. So anyway that's all for now, I will update when I'm done hope everyone has a great day.

Chaz

New beginnings, au revoir old habbits...

2010-04-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this because I finally feel that I'm back to myself. I accept what has happened and I feel that I don't need to punish myself anymore. I have a new objective in life and I feel that if I can shake my old bad habits and forge new good ones that I will be able to fully obtain my goal. So when does too long turn into too late? I have no idea but I, don't intend to find out. I need huge change to right myself, to kind of rejuvenate myself if you will. So here is to new beginnings, new outlooks, and a new more consistent upbeat blog. Until next time

Chaz

The end of a heartache

2010-03-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

I guess today my world ended, I found out the one I love no longer believes in me, and I really don't know what the future will hold. I feel so lost and alone, I don't know what to do, I feel as though I lost everything and life is meaningless. This is going to be my last blog until I find myself.

goodbye everyone,
until next time

Broken dreams, and empty promises.......................

2010-03-27T00:25:00.000-07:00

Broken dreams and empty promises started off as a for me to catch your attention, now that I've got it I've gotta say thanks for stopping by.

Short but straight to the point.....

Whats the difference between me and you........

2010-03-18T20:20:00.000-07:00

So what's the difference between me and you, well first of all I'm here and you are there. Secondly I'm writing this blog and you are reading it, and most importantly I'm not afraid to step forward and take the steps I need to take to get where I'm going. Now I'm not saying that I'm better than you because I'm not by a long shot, but whoever you are, where ever you are just know I'm always striving to better myself, can you say the same?

So anyway that's my rant for the night so now for the good stuff, for all you idol fans out there here is an update just in case you missed idol this week. This week the first of the top 12 has been eliminated, and for the second time in as many seasons we have to say goodbye to Lacey Brown :(

Goodbye Lacey good luck next year! So now we are down to our top 11, it's too soon to tell who's going to win but so far the early candidates seem to be Michael "Big Mike" Lynche, Crystal Bowersox, and Siobhan Magnus. Who is your favorite? Make sure to vote for them every week if you are here in the states if not then cross your fingers and pray that the idol gods favor your idol :)

Now for the personal stuff, I went for a really nice run today. It was somewhere around 2 miles, or 3.218 kilos. It really gave me some time to think and analyze my life, my hopes, my dreams, my aspirations, and I have decided that I'm for sure going to finish schooling in business management, and I will as be looking to start a new career. I'm looking for something fast paced and exciting, I recently applied to Farmers Insurance and with a little bit of luck I will be starting work there very soon as an insurance agent :) This is the first of many big steps I'm going to be taking in my life. This is going to be a wild ride I'm going on, who wants to hop on board.

Here are some pictures of me recently playing with fire, it's a new and exciting hobby of mine and I'm hoping that I get really good at it. Well boys and girls, that's all for now. Remember to comment on your likes and dislikes of the blog. Also feel free to tell me what you want me to talk about, if I don't know anything about the subject I will make something up.

Later all

Blogging is Blah.........

2010-03-17T01:04:00.000-07:00

Blogging is blah, well not really it's actually a great emotional outbreak. I never did finish wild ride, like most of my work it's just not going to happen. I don't mind though it's my process I have many many started works and very little completed works but the completed works usually turn out pretty good. So whats new with me eh, well I'm starting to prepare for my trip to the Philippines. I got my passport app today and I should have the passport in about a month in and a half. Yes I said a month and a half, while other countries get theirs in a matter of minuets here in America we gotta wait. I don't mind though the trip isn't until June, I do hope that I beat the rains but if not it's ok too since I have never seen a monsoon before :)So anyway there is no poems today since I have nothing new to post, so anyway that's all for now more rants and raves to come soon.

The return of the super sloth............

2010-03-10T21:41:00.001-08:00

So this the the return of the super sloth, an already slow moving animal moving even slower. So here is an update of what's been up with me, I got robbed at work, check, saw a doctor about it, check, haven't been cleared to work yet, check, yep that's pretty much it. I have been leading a very low key life trying to save money for an up and coming trip. I'm going to go to the lovely city of manila for one week of fun and adventure. I'm hoping that I won't stand out to much and that maybe I will come away with a more worldly view on life, well at least I'm hoping to eat lots of good food :) So I have decided to write a poem right here on the blog all free style like, no editing or erasing allowed. All mistakes and errors will be left in and I will be trying to go back and work on it weekly. I'm doing this so I can give you guys a kind of insight to my mind, to show you the processes I go through to make a finished product. So I always start of with a title and write around that, everything from poems to short stories, songs to sonnets, they all start with a title. Well the last one is a lie, I've never written a sonnet, who do I look like Shakespeare.

So here we go from start to finish this should be a wild ride, him wild ride sounds like a good jumping off point.
Wild Ride
Free as a bird, I ride like the wind...................... grrrrrrrrr wild ride take 2 go

Wild Ride
Freedom always comes at a cost, there is no free lunch once you hit the open road. Diners and strip malls..................

grrr this is a hard subject, well this is my process, i usually mess up a ton. Well I'm going to take a break for a bit, but I will come back to this later on today.

new year same crap.... left on the slow side

2010-01-04T19:55:00.000-08:00

Well it's a brand new year so I guess I will post on a not so new blog. So far this year I have been yelled at, cursed at, and generally degraded. Ahh it's so nice to ring in the new year with a bang. So I decided not to go out this new years eve like all the previous years (since been 21 of course.) <--- See U.S drinking laws if you don't know what I'm talking about. It was so lonely and boring especially since I could hear my entire neighborhood laughing and celebrating the new year. I have decided what my new years resolution will be, and the drum roll please............ It's going to be me getting back to the way I use to be, I never use to sit around the house all day being fat and lazy so, starting with the new year I have been more proactive than normal. It has been pretty good for me except I think a certain someone isn't talking to me for some reason :( Any who I have to be jetting off to work now. I think that I will leave with the following quote " Falling from heaven doesn't hurt nearly as much as the impact of the ground." I saw it on a card once I don't know the author but it always stuck on me. Plenty more to come this year stay tuned I will be posting some great adventure stories from this year. Good bye 2009 and hello 2010.

Whats the word, doubts and dishonesty

2009-12-27T20:14:00.000-08:00

Doubts, everyone has them so why should I be so different? For instance, I doubt if anyone actually reads this, I doubt that I will be getting a significant enough raise at work, and I doubt if I will ever be free to love or be loved by the one I want. Like the almighty Joe Dirt says "You can't have no in your heart brother." As much as I try I always find myself seeing little reminders of the old times, little hints and notes, little gifts and trinkets, and it makes me realize that I need to either get over it or move on. So what should I do? Here is the six million dollar question. Why after months of writing new stuff almost on a nightly bases do I have a sudden case of writers block? Have I lost my inspiration, has my muse abandoned me? Well we will give it a shot I'm going to attempt to write a poem right here right now. This is going to be such an exclusive I haven't even seen it yet. I will stop when i'm stuck there will be no editing or polishing of any sort I will keep typos, grammatical errors, and even all out terribleness just to see if I still got it. So I beg of you, if you do read this I need you more than ever to post a comment or reaction to this, this goes to anyone from my follower to the random person that happens to stumble across this page.

Sleepless

Waking in a cold sweat I turn to my clock, 4:15am is what it reads.
Rampant thoughts of things to come run through my head. Will we ever be alone,
will our time to shine ever come? I know as long as we are living and breathing our love will never grow weak, but will we ever have the opportunity to see it grow at all? Nightmares of a life I may never have come flooding in my head as soon as my eyes close so I sit awake to tired to cry, to scared to sleep. Will I ever know how it feels to feel your embrace, will our future shine as bright as any star or will it fizzle out like the end of a match......

That's about all I have in me. More rants to come, more raves to be said tune in next time for another exciting adventure of whats the word brought to you by me.

I'm split six ways, will I ever be whole?

2009-12-24T21:53:00.000-08:00

Well the Senate passed it's health care reform yesterday. One step closer to the poor house and one step closer to socialism. Thanks President Obama, wtg and turn the greatest country on earth into nothing more than a common whore. My life is full of work and expenses and I really want to write something new maybe another part to my story but I'm just so tired that I can't muster the energy to actually create something. Why can I write a blog you say? Well there is nothing creative about this, I just speak my mind and hope that you enjoy my thoughts. Things are better in my love life so far, it seems that my love has accepted me back and I couldn't be happier about that! Anyway that's enough for now, sorry no poem today check back soon for a new piece of poetry from me.

Mistakes, sorrows, and late night contemplation

2009-12-20T23:50:00.000-08:00

So two days ago I made a huge mistake, I decided to put out a test. The test was for the person that I cared most about in the world. Well it came back to bite me. Here is the fat and skinny of the thing. I was being tested, set up, hussled, however you want to put it, and I knew it the whole time. I decided to flunk the test on purpose so I could show who I thought was giving me the test that it's not cool to do these kind of things. Welllll, I found out today that the person doing the testing was my loves ex and it made me look way bad. I should have never played games and should have not tried to fail the test on purpose but I did, and I'm afraid I've lost my love forever. She won't talk to me and ignores my texts and calls. Oh well I guess stupidity is my normal path and I walk it well. I ruin relationship after relationship over and over again just because I must be super retarded to mess this one up. Well I don't know what else to say and I don't want to bore you. Let me end this as usual with a poem.

A new beginning
Here I lay with my head down in the pillow trying to suffocate the little life I have left.
A rampant dream, a lively falsehood has lured me into a state of blissful ignorance.
For what I do not see I can not feel and what I can not feel is the dagger that is pulling at my heart. A dagger that runs so deep through my veins that it is ingrained in my soul.
What is this emotion this dagger carries? And why has it chosen me to be its victim.
For I have seen the garden and will stay no longer, for if I am discovered I surly will be crushed because this garden belongs to another and these feelings should not be.
But I can not resist the sweet temptation that this wonderful place has offered me.
I am weak and I stay for I know the consequences and I look past them for if I can with stand the weight of this world then, maybe just maybe this garden will belong to me and it will flourish and grow, and I will start a new beginning here in this new garden and maybe be finally at home.

I had to post this one because it's actually a pretty happy one and it cheers me up every time I read it. I hope it can make anyone out there that is unhappy feel better too. I really hope I can pull myself out of this jam and I really hope this one works out for us.

Thanks all more to come no more sad rants, more rants on whatever is on my head at the time. Feel free to leave comments and tell me what you want me to rant and rave about..........

Mr. Mr. I think I lost my pudding.........

2009-11-20T02:00:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what that title is about but eh I will roll with it. So today was a wonderful day, that started with a 9am wake up call from an Army recruiter. Normally I would be more than happy to speak to them but, 9 am rolled around way to fast seeing as I was up super late the night before. Failed timing Sgt maybe next time. Talk about slow, why does everything seem so much slower when you are tired?? Work seemed like it took forever and it was just an 8 hour shift >.<. Well here is the next installment of poetry by Chaz feel free to follow my blogs for regular updates, I swear fun stuff will occur

Torn

Love is a horrible killer, its’ path of destruction is similar to that of a rampant tornado running a muck through the trailer parks of America. Love takes joy in the fact that it can take a strong man and bend him to its’ will. Love leaves a trail of broken hearts and shed tears, laughing at the people that it tears apart. I’m no safer then any other man in this world I have felt the awesome power of love and I have bent to its will. I have seen the many false faces of love, joy, happiness, and utter bliss. I wondered into its trap and endured its’ horrific games, I emerged the victor, so I thought. Love lured me deeper and then it did me in I met two women, one I have fallen so madly in love with that I can no longer see myself as my own. But the other one is a foul temptress that is always being dangled in front of me, she is beautiful and witty everything a man could ask for, yet I cling to the one that owns me, struggling to break free of her curse but never able to stray to far for with out her I grow strong and being strong is what I fear. For if I gain strength I can resist the evils of love and become one with myself. But alas my doom has come my fate sealed I have succumbed to love and embraced it for I choose the one that loves me for I know that love is not bias and will trap and consume her as well.

I swear I'm not emo, the pen guides itself I'm just the vessel hehe. On a happier not life's good right, and it looks like Obama's bill is going to Fail, go go smart people. If it passes I'm totally going to write an angry letter, or prank call the white house hehe, I don't want President Obama to fail but he just keeps on doing it. I don't think I have seen someone screw up so badly so quickly at a new job. I miss Bush, at least the man didn't pass any stupid bills :s

anyway that's all for now

Super Spy

2009-11-17T23:17:00.000-08:00

Lost your keys, kitties, or past experiences have no fear super spy is here. Ever have one of those moments when you wish that you where a super hero?? I'm having one now, I wish I could be Awesome Man, with the powers of every super hero ever!! That would rock my socks off so hard. Anyway on a more serious note, I am now 100% healthy no more cold or meds to take (yay) and my new supplement I'm taking *nutrilites glucosamine-7* (I know, I know a shameless plug for my own products) is helping my joints recover faster from my runs :) I will hopefully be back in fighting shape in no time :)so anyway here is another poem, there once was a man from nantucket, he had a...... ooopps wrong poem hehe here is the real one.

Success is Failure

You finally make it to the big show, the place where you figured you could plateau.
Now you see that all your friends where made in vain, that everyone is out to get you. Cold hands reaching into your spine, pulling you apart from the inside out. False complements and idle words scrape your brain like finger nails on a chalk board.

But you are successful, no failure insight. You are successful, you pulled ahead from the start. You are successful.

Now you sit in your million dollar home, you wake up and your forty years old with nothing but a big empty house and shattered dreams. Your success has gone to your head and you forgot about those that shaped your life. Empty halls and swimming pools aren’t going to bring the joy back.

But you are successful, no failure insight. You are successful, you pulled ahead from the start. You are successful.

In this game called life, you made a ton, but in the end you lost it all. No joy left the passion all gone, and all the money in the world won’t bring it back.

You are a failure, no success insight. You are failure, you fell behind from the start. You are a failure.

So if you have made it this far in the blog hurray 7 points for you!! That's right I'm keeping score.........
Anyway nothing particularly interesting to rant about but maybe next time.
thanks for taking the time to read this :)

Blah, blah, blah and more stuff......

2009-11-11T22:38:00.000-08:00

So I heard about the new health care bill congress is trying to pass........ Let's just say I believe the obama administration is full of fail. If the bill passes will I really have to BUY health care. I am young relatively healthy yet if I don't buy a government approved health care plan I can be fined and possibly jailed if I fail to pay these fines.... Welcome to the new America boys and girls, where all of your dreams can come true, HA! Anyway that is my rant on politics so now for the fun stuff. CoD: Modern Warfare 2 has been a huge hit keeping my super busy at Gamestop leaving me with little time for anything else :s On a lighter note I have now almost fully recovered from my cold, thanks modern medicine, see obama 1 bottle of pills is all I needed to feel better no insurance needed, but I digress. So I guess here is another poem.......

Hurt

This pain I feel deep inside my chest is my heart stopping. It beats no longer for I am dead. Inside my eyelids I see nothing. I bleed from my pours, my body grows cold.
I died the day I left you
I said words that were untrue. I said I hated you, that you meant nothing. When it was I that took you for granted. I let you slip into the arms of another. I killed us.
I died the day I left you
My cold-blooded malicious attack on your fragile self-esteem. It was a low blow that I know you can never really heal from, but I love you.
I died the day I left you
I grow weak, I’m fading away, for I’m dead without you. Only you can save me now, but why you is a mystery, for I’m as low as can be. I miss you.
I died the day I left you
Feelings inside are never meant to be spoken when they hurt your loved ones. I’m starting to see the lights its all so clear I love you but your not coming near
I died the day I left you
Copy-right 2005

Yes I know I have a story to finish, don't get mad it's coming hehe.....

anyway bye bye for now. More to come follow me if you dare!!!!!shiftoneshiftone

Me being me

2009-11-09T00:46:00.000-08:00

Let me start this off with a poem I wrote,

Longing
You and me forever against the world, that’s
what you said. Now it's impossible to reach
you on the phone,

but you say you love me.

Every time I ask you what your doing, you say
I'm out with him but don't worry it's
nothing.

but you say you need me.

It seems the more I run to you the further
away you are, I love you with all my heart
but I'm tired,

but I say I need you.

With careless abandon I leap into your arms,
but I fall eternally. Crazy thoughts of life
without you,

but I say I love you.

All these feelings and emotions running in
my head I can't get away, I have to make
them stop......

What was I going through when I wrote this you may ask, well I can tell you that I have no idea where I was at mentally or emotionally. When I write my pen takes over and has a mind of its own.

So anyway my life isn't to interesting, work, home, home, work, but I do seem to get into wacky adventures from time to time and I tend to meet a lot of interesting people along my way. So stay tuned and I will keep you posted with more about me and what's currently on my mind